DENVER — Local flight attendant and longtime punk Jules Green held out the mic to a front row passenger during pre-flight announcements for United Airlines flight 362 out of Denver International Airport, confirmed sources.
“At first I didn’t think they were feeling it, but I dug deep, wrapped the cord around my fist, and won the room over eventually with crowd participation. You know, like handing the mic over to them and asking for any requests for pre-flight instructions,” said Green, dodging a stink eye from the captain. “Afterwards, they all cheered and a bunch of folks stopped me to say they enjoyed my set! I told them I’d be in the back the rest of the flight smoking cigarettes if they wanted to chat or grab a CD later. This must be what GG Allin felt like when he took a dump on stage.”
The sound of crunched up vocals over a 10-cent speaker really sparked enthusiasm from the crowd.
“I was settling into my seat as the safety briefing began. I guess I was muttering along to the spiel, because suddenly, a flight attendant shoved the PA handset right in my face. At that moment, something took over me,” said passenger Sherry Mason. “I’ve flown a lot, so I definitely knew the words. Before I knew it I was standing at the bulkhead yelling ‘Thank you for choosing United Airlines and enjoy your flight!’ It was a rush.”
Seasoned U.S. Air Marshal Warren Burleson was blown away by the performance.
“As an Air Marshal you’re trained to stay vigilant, but day after day you get sick of uninspired renditions of the standards. It was great to see the next generation do that tune justice for once,” Burleson admitted. “I really didn’t want to blow my cover, but when I saw the flight attendant trying to crowd surf over the seatbacks I shot up out of my seat to help catch her. It’s nice to see real air travel fans enjoying themselves, but it’s still important to be safe.”
At press time, Green was seen starting a mosh pit near row 26 during routine turbulence.