Press "Enter" to skip to content

Punk Cat Keeps Leaving Dead Kennedys Merch on Owner’s Pillow

SAN JOSE, Calif. – Resident punk housecat Marigold keeps bringing Dead Kennedys merchandise to her owner and dropping it on her pillow every night, report confused residents who initially reached for mousetraps and pesticides.

“First it was a couple guitar picks that I thought were moths she’d killed — but they had this weird red and white design,” recalled Marigold’s owner Ashlyn Pierrette while delicately holding up two tooth-punctured picks bearing the band’s logo. “Then she came in with a huge sock in her mouth that said ‘Bedtime for Democracy,’ so I started getting really worried about what she’s trying to tell me and what kind of crowd she’s been hanging out with. You know, it’s probably that feral tabby with the filthy fur that’s always lurking in our driveway.”

Pierrette’s friend Casey Lamoni, a longtime Dead Kennedys fan, applauded Marigold’s efforts to introduce her owner to the influential hardcare punk band.

“Ashlyn doesn’t listen to that kind of music and is basically the opposite of punk,” Lamoni explained. “But I always knew that cat had good taste and solid politics. She hates any toy that Ash buys for her because she rejects consumerism. She was absolutely an anti-establishment squatter before she got adopted. One time when she coughed up a hairball, it even sounded like she was singing ‘kill, kill, kill, kill, kill the poor.’”

According to feline behaviorist Marc Burney, cats drop gifts on their owners’ pillows for many reasons, but most often to demonstrate their hunting skills or assert their political beliefs and music preferences.

“Whether it’s a decapitated rodent, a vegan soy-based rodent, or ‘Mutiny on the Bay’ 12” vinyl they’re presenting, this instinctual behavior is an evolutionary response,” Burney explained. “Cats leave things on their owners’ beds to bond and send a message. Young punk cats like Marigold, or ‘Mari Mayhem’ as she’s known around town, have a critical responsibility to spread awareness of the scene. They’re working hard to encourage their owners to buy a record player and look into revolutionary politics. Or at least look up the name of the band.”

At press time, Marigold had begun spray painting “Nazi punks fuck off” on the wall of her litter box.