LOS ANGELES — The producers of the hit reality dating show “Love Island” announced a punk spin-off titled “Promiscuous Warehouse,” confirmed sources.
“Mario Lopez’s assistant and Jeff Probst’s stunt double will host the 78-episode season,” said producer Cheryl Lacy while casting solely based on how dirty peoples’ fingernails were. “We’ll have our contestants work 12-hour shifts six days a week in a dinghy warehouse where they can commingle, flirt, and make out in the utility closet if they advance to the next rounds. They will participate in physical challenges like lifting 30 pounds, standing on their feet for several minutes, and holding in their urine for eight hours at a time. Each week a couple will be laid off via internal deliberation process. The one couple left standing will get married and promptly have the marriage annulled 48 hours later after one of them is caught cheating with a former contestant. Just like in a real warehouse, we think.”
Fans of “Love Island” couldn’t be more excited for the new companion show.
“I cannot wait to binge watch this one during my nightly bed rotting sessions,” said reality TV fan Blaine Howard. “Shows like this are amazing because I get to see what it’s like to sleep around while working in a stockroom. That’s exactly why I like ‘The Great British Bake Off.’ I get to see what it’s like for pastry chefs to do hand stuff in the back of a bakery. Very enjoyable watch.”
Experts believe we may be nearing the end of this type of entertainment media format as a whole.
“Reality shows are clearly running out of ideas, so they’re trying to set dating plot lines in curious places,” said pop culture blogger Jessie Jimenez. “We’ve seen bizarre shows like that one called ‘Laying Pipe’ that combined ‘Love Is Blind’ with plumbing where contestants were forced to get to know each other while installing toilets blindfolded. Then there was that one called ‘Change My Oil’ that took ‘The Bachelor’ format and set it in a Jiffy Lube. Contestants had to find love while figuring out why check battery lights suddenly switched on. Let’s just say dating shows are cooked.”
At press time, “Promiscuous Warehouse” was picked up for a second season after realizing warehouse workers were far hornier than initially anticipated.