PHILADELPHIA – Local Burnout John Parker admitted he wasn’t surprised to receive an exclusive text from his dad today offering a job that he should…
MIDDLETOWN, Conn. — Hairy Goat Nipple, a microbrewery scheduled to open next year, is close to deciding on which image of a demon with a…
NEW YORK — Beau Willimon, showrunner for “House of Cards,” said he is sorry for creating a show with such an optimistic view of U.S.…
MILWAUKEE — The ashamed parents and siblings of recent high school graduate Chase Benson booed, hissed, and jeered as he broke with familial punk tradition…
FREDONIA, N.Y. — Local metalhead Sam Barnhill decided it would probably be a good call to wear his lone Johnny Cash t-shirt to his in-law’s…
LEXINGTON, Ky. — Members of the local music scene report a stronger sense of unity than they ever experienced thanks to the shared disgust and…
WASHINGTON — Elected officials across the country promised they would spend the rest of Pride month drafting legislation targeted at making life a living hell…
NEW YORK — Local punk Nick Frayson once again skipped an entire week’s worth of targeted workout routines totaling his entire body despite setting a…
KENT, Conn. — Film director and musician Rob Zombie reportedly lost his temper with a representative of Carvana when he was offered a paltry $5,000…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Employees at a local accounting firm are reportedly confounded by a recent hire who is simultaneously the worst co-worker they’ve ever had…
WASHINGTON — Former President Donald Trump threw a lifelike dummy of himself moments ago off a bridge onto sharp rocks below to seemingly avoid being…
PALM BEACH, Fla. — The most recent indictment of former President Donald Trump reportedly contains photographic evidence that classified documents were being sold in a…
BRIDGEPORT, Conn. — Local stoner A.C. Dermott and alcoholic friend Jessie Brown reportedly met up on Friday to crack a few cold ones and fire…
LOS ANGELES. — A new “Night at the Museum” sequel in the works at 20th Century Fox reportedly takes place in the newly opened Punk…
SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Local longboarder Ben Gleekman is still recovering emotionally after he completed folded under pressure when pro skateboarder Eric Koston called out…