CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Software product manager Alanah Tivola “celebrated” Labor Day by dutifully scheduling six meetings for tomorrow that she would have attended today, confirmed…
WALLINGFORD, Conn. — A blossoming romance wilted last night after Ty Baldwin, lead singer of local punk outfit Gashmaggot, called his new girlfriend by his…
PALM BEACH, Fla. — Hawaiian shirt and khaki short-wearing mourners on beaches across the country solemnly participated in a memorial Happy Hour of Silence to…
PLANO, Texas — Local bassist Keegan Rizzo recently drew his biggest crowd yet after being locked inside of his band’s sweltering 1997 Ford Escort, according…
LOS ANGELES — The Motion Picture Association of America announced they would not grant the upcoming Willy Wonka prequel a PG rating if a scene…
MILWAUKEE — Local third-grade teacher Grace Redding recently stated she “would not trade her job for the world” despite the constant toll it takes on…
LAS VEGAS – Patriot Sound Technologies unveiled their latest pedal collaboration with Five Finger Death Punch guitarist Zoltan Bathory, which accuses any user who tries…
BLACK ROCK DESERT, Nev. – Burning Man festival attendee Joshua Lewis recently died onsite due to his utter paranoia that he’d become dehydrated, sources taking…
LOS GATOS, Calif. — Executives of streaming service Netflix announced they ordered a new season of the hit dystopian anthology series “Black Mirror” which will…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Florida Governor, and floundering Republican presidential candidate, Ron DeSantis assured residents the powerful winds from Hurricane Idalia are God’s way of ridding…
WASHINGTON — Local punk exorcist Benicio “Scary” Scaramucci admitted he didn’t see any problems with the sinister child threatening nuns and puking everywhere when asked…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — 34-year-old Ryan Kirkpatrick experienced the thrill of a lifetime when three different people simultaneously reviewed his cover letter in a Google document,…
PALM BEACH, Fla. — East coast Floridians are excited about a new Spirit Halloween opening up at the “old Mar-a-Lago” following supposedly false rumors that…
CHICAGO — Mcdonald’s is finally honoring beloved musician Wesley Willis by announcing he would be the face of their latest celebrity meal, which is expected…
CHARLESTON, S.C. — Former singer Jane “Skuz” McMillan of punk band Capitalfister became irate when an appraiser broke the news that her band’s old show…