WASHINGTON — The leaders of the Democratic National Committee announced they plan to learn absolutely nothing from their embarrassing loss to President-elect Donald Trump, multiple…
WEST CHESTER, Penn. — Local Trump supporter Stephen Hall confirmed that he is happy about Trump’s win, but is a “little disappointed” that he won’t…
BINGHAMTON, N.Y. – Local World War II enthusiast Edward Spencer says he is looking forward to witnessing the rise of fascism unfold in real-time, horrified…
RICHMOND, Va. — Trey Bollinger, proud owner of a $91,273 Chevy Silverado 3500 HD, accused Tesla Cybertruck owners of being “totally fucking ridiculous,” confirmed sources…
PEORIA, Ill. — A masked member of a local militia who was harassing people waiting in line to vote embarrassingly forgot where he left his…
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — Former President Trump made a last-minute appeal to all potential voters with a simple message: “If you don’t vote for…
This is the most important election in our lifetime and I’ll be damned if every vote isn’t counted fair and square and for the side…
PORTLAND, Maine — Local apolitical friend Bryce Flowers admitted that he is only watching the 2024 election coverage for the commercials, confirmed sources who were…
CHICAGO — The nation’s screen and novel horror writers resolved to continue killing every single dog that is unfortunate enough to make its way into…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local boxed food mix Rice-A-Roni unveiled a new advertising campaign that featured them embracing their roots in the Bay Area thrash metal…
Legendary musician, producer, and seemingly the luckiest son of a bitch around, Quincy Jones died at his home in Bel Air Sunday night just a…
SANTA FE, N.M. — Ana Sutton, a 38-year-old musician who is currently on tour, recently changed all the demands in her rider to “enough chairs…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Local man Greg Wachowski was surprised by an intense and emotional intervention regarding his refusal to shave his soul patch, concerned friends…
TEL AVIV — The United Nations decided to call on model, media personality, and socialite Kendall Jenner to deliver a can of Pepsi to the…
BLUE ISLAND, Ill. — Reformed skinhead, public speaker, and talking head Tom Lupine is struggling to make ends meet as America’s racial tolerance landscape continues…