NEW WINDSOR, Md. — Longtime cop enthusiast Lou Mandin seamlessly transitioned from a locally known bootlicker to a Trump sneaker licker after purchasing the former…
BALTIMORE — Local punk Ricky Turnbull disavowed disgraced pop punk band Finisher’s Medal by covering their once-prominent patch on his jacket with a slightly larger…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Local sexual deviant Glen O’Roarke wished the performers at the Cabaret Tease Burlesque Show would hurry up and get naked already because…
SPOKANE, Wash. — Local Gen Alpha teen Angelina Stephenson was shocked and appalled to learn that famed commercial actor Snoop Dogg was not only not…
BOULDER, Colo. – Local man Rozco Ambo admitted he was concerned that the entire crowd watched him completely botch his air drumming routine during a…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Invisible Gravity Cannabis Dispensary recently announced it will host throwback night where patrons can relive the days of splitting a fat…
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — A mass shooting that left one dead and at least 30 others injured at the Kansas City Chiefs Super Bowl Parade,…
PALM BEACH, Fla. — Former president Donald Trump teased his top picks for vice president during a recent Mar-a-Lago fundraising event, according to gaudily-dressed sycophants…
MONTEREY, Calif. — Recently retired father Fred Maligno has set up a 360-degree investigation into the car that mysteriously appeared parked in front of his…
Newburgh, N.Y. — Kirsten Emery, guitarist in local punk band Feral Insurgence and vocal critic of Valentine’s Day, curiously embraced the “sham” holiday now that…
AUGUSTA, Maine — Local man Brady Trontz was already telling rescuers about the radical benefits of cold plunges minutes after nearly freezing to death in…
So you hit up the Taco Bell Cantina happy hour with some co-workers, slammed spicy margs till last call, were forcibly removed from the premises,…
SEATTLE, Wash. — Newly sober punk Dustin Patterson swore off alcohol after he experienced his first-ever bowel movement with a single, clean wipe, confirmed sources…
OAKLAND, Calif. — A man wearing headphones out on a morning walk is reportedly desperate to switch the embarrassing song he’s listening to before the…
NEW YORK – The 20th annual Puppy Bowl is expected to open with an elaborate fireworks display which has many of the animal handlers questioning…