AUSTIN, Texas — The Austin city government placed a bronze statue of a homeless man sleeping on a bench in an effort to raise awareness…
BOSTON – Researchers at Harvard University studying the negative effects of phone usage before bed concluded that nothing fucking matters and you should do whatever…
BEND, Ore. — Local amateur historian and occasional beloved family member Paul Poppavich vehemently dismisses news of fascism’s rising international tide, despite an encyclopedic knowledge…
LISTERVILLE, Calif. — Tourists from across various southern California locales flocked to the sleepy town of Listerville outside of the Sequioa National Forest to witness…
CHARLESTON, S.C. — A new study by the College of Charleston confirms that the majority of shoppers at JoAnn Fabrics espouse stronger and more tangible…
MIDDLETOWN, Ohio — Republican vice presidential nominee JD Vance continued to infuriate the nation by claiming that men who are childfree and own tarantulas are…
IRVINE, Calif. — Taco Bell’s revamped artificial intelligence drive-thru has reportedly been making the human fingers commonly found in their burritos look unrealistic and perverse,…
PARIS — A local hardcore show instantly achieved immediate legendary status after Olympic legend Simone Biles single-handedly opened up the pit with a perfect double…
PARIS — International Olympics Committee spokesperson Mark Adams confirmed that the 3000-year-old world amateur sporting contest was “Unlikely to continue” in the wake of a…
LOS FELIZ, Calif. — A shirt bearing the logo of a professional hockey team was deemed an acceptable purchase recently as the retro-quality of the…
ST. CLOUD, Minn. — Vice Presidential nominee J.D. Vance found himself in hot water again over his views regarding childless women at a recent rally…
QUEENS, N.Y. — Local man Nate McKellen was shocked to find that his landlord slapped him with a massive fine for housing undisclosed roommates after…
ST. LOUIS — Local wedding DJ Ron “Mixmaster” McAllister was left in a state of utter bewilderment last Saturday after discovering that all music did…
WASHINGTON — The US State Department held an emergency press conference this morning expressing that it was honestly a little bit insulted that the CIA…
PARIS — The Olympic men’s street skateboarding final was interrupted mid-competition by a visibly flustered woman who said the sounds were scaring her dog, sources…