AUSTIN, Texas — Governor Greg Abbott deployed Texas National Guard troops to combat the rapidly spreading wildfires in the state’s Panhandle, according to his press…
ALEXANDRIA, Va. — A bombshell study recently revealed a Conservative think tank spent $40 million trying to find a way to frame Girl Scout cookies…
BURLINGTON, Vt. — Local centrist Harris Miller revealed that he doesn’t care who wins the 2024 presidential election as long as each candidate has a…
ALBANY— Local man Rudy Foster is getting pretty loose with the term “docuseries” after using it to describe his favorite reality television show “90 Day…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local Crust Punk Jonas “Spleege” Johnson was recently released from county jail after explaining to authorities he was only siphoning that gas…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Local cinephile Misty Fremonta started seeing a new guy as an excuse to rewatch her favorite films during the “courtship” process, sources…
CHICAGO — Punk dad Paul Bourne was briefly overcome by a wave of nostalgia for his reckless life before kids after seeing a carefree man…
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — Local man Max Broderson reportedly ended a romantic viewing of “Fast & Furious 6” by asking his date if she also…
DALLAS — Cellular giant AT&T’s massive outage caused disruption to vital services and prevented customers from listening to their preferred podcasts and music during their…
CHICAGO – An ongoing investigation found that, at this very moment, 10 people are looking at your LinkedIn profile and becoming insatiably aroused, multiple sweaty…
COLUMBIA, Mo. — Local psychedelic enthusiast Sam Roscoe, 27, is reportedly seizing every given opportunity to flaunt his ego death as an exercise in parading…
MONTGOMERY, Ala. — The Supreme Court of Alabama ruled in a groundbreaking decision that embryos are “extrauterinal children” and plans to next decide the Constitutionality…
NEW YORK — Scientists at the Fashion Institute of Technology confirmed there is no way to take off a pullover sweatshirt without showing everyone your…
SANTA FE, N.M. — American novelist George R.R. Martin admitted that his highly anticipated book “The Winds of Winter” was once again delayed due to…
NEW WINDSOR, Md. — Longtime cop enthusiast Lou Mandin seamlessly transitioned from a locally known bootlicker to a Trump sneaker licker after purchasing the former…