WASHINGTON — As a flurry of new US tariffs continued to shake the world economy, President Trump announced the only place unaffected by his new…
PHILADELPHIA — Frequent PornHub uploader Tyler Jones was clearly going through some stuff as evidenced by the title of his latest entry, confirmed masturbators nationwide.…
EUGENE, Ore. — Tattoo artist Joe Brennan reportedly began to suspect his longtime client was just coming in to get his back shaved after the…
WASHINGTON — Elon Musk’s team at the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) launched a GoFundMe campaign to raise money for the savings they claim to…
TUCSON, Ariz. — A local ICE agent’s wife Karen Wilkins is really hoping her own family gets torn apart, after years of watching her husband…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Concertgoer Seth Mosley had no choice but to chew off his own foot after it got stuck to the floor in a…
FRANKFORT, Ky. — Oft-succumbing and soon-dying United States senator Mitch McConnell revealed his post-political plans of destroying all the houses Jimmy Carter built during his…
CHARLESTON, S.C. — MAGA devotees united in shock and outrage in protests across the country after local woman Helen Graves made a valid point regarding…
LOS ANGELES — The producers of the hit reality dating show “Love Island” announced a punk spin-off titled “Promiscuous Warehouse,” confirmed sources. “Mario Lopez’s assistant…
AMHERST, Mass. — Serial public masturbator Aaron Goddard received an unexpected education in progressive politics when he wandered into a zine library, according to the…
CHICAGO — Local baseball fans and metalheads discovered that they shared an affinity to drink in parking lots, while one group was pregaming for death…
MANZANITA, Ore. — Local couple Jon and Kelsey Hangman recently became the parents of a child who somehow was born without any of their combined…
AUSTIN, Texas — Members of the jangle pop quartet Pine Box announced the addition of a second bassist, known mononymously as Waffles, to keep their…
SAN FRANCISCO — Developers behind the encrypted messaging app Signal updated their terms of service to forbid users from organizing and executing targeted military strikes,…
PORTLAND, Ore. — A routine lunch break turned into an unexpected battle of past glory Tuesday afternoon when Jake “Used to Skate” Piper and Mark…