SAN JOSE, Calif. — Local man Timothy Kroeger reportedly lost his shit again despite bragging about how little sleep he needs on a nightly basis,…
LOS ANGELES — The White House Correspondents’ Association surprised potential guests by announcing Jeff Dunham’s most racist puppet, Bubba J, will host their annual dinner…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump attempted to justify his policy of mass deportations by claiming illegal immigrants are taking up the majority of all guest…
NEW YORK — Local crustie Joel McCaffrey was seen excitedly planning a romantic Valentine’s Day evening for his partner by leaving a trail of loose…
NEW BEDFORD, Mass. — Friends and family of local man Rick Winston marveled at his nonchalant attitude about attending highly anticipated social events without realizing…
NEW ORLEANS — Rapper Kendrick Lamar thrilled the nation during his Super Bowl halftime appearance after revealing his special guest performer was none other than…
AUSTIN, Texas — GOP lawmakers from the Lone Star State introduced a bill requiring parental advisory stickers be placed on all guns that end up…
BOCA CHICA, Texas — Social pariah and world’s richest man Elon Musk made a staggering donation to a new startup with a mission statement of…
WASHINGTON — Elon Musk’s team of DOGE teens used their unprecedented access to federal agencies to create their dream girl using the immense computing power…
DULUTH, Minn. — Exasperated coworkers of punk Jimmy Alpin threatened to quit after watching his work ethic repeatedly be eclipsed by his drinking ethic, sources…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump met with his team of lawyers to discuss potential hush money payments to 335 million citizens after another round of…
NEW YORK — A groundbreaking new study from Columbia University seemingly proves that the sound of music abruptly ending with a record scratch upon entering…
LOS ANGELES — U2 frontman Bono announced that the wildfires in California have devastated enough property and ruined a sufficient amount of lives for him…
EAST PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local man Kevin Wright announced plans to leave all of his worldly possessions to his best friend should he die, according…
Ailing Man Dies Despite Several “You Got This” Reddit Comments
KOKOMO, Ind. — Local man Andrew Stoltz succumbed to an illness even though he received multiple positive reassurances online, according to users of the fantasy…