WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump directed his soon-to-be Secretary of Education, Linda McMahon, to immediately shut down the predominantly black school from the TV show…
TAMPA, Fla. — Local curmudgeon John McCallister loudly revealed that he believed wheelchair ramps are woke, despite once being capable of love and empathy as…
PITTSBURGH, Pa. — An employee at a local dive bar and eatery, Rock Room, shocked co-workers and customers alike after revealing he holds a food…
LOS ANGELES — Director and grizzled high school shop teacher look-alike Mel Gibson announced this week that his next project, “The Truth,” will be a…
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local 42-year-old punk Chet Roberts, who has spent the last 27 years living day-to-day in suspended teenage animation, isn’t sure what he…
BROWNSVILLE, Texas — SpaceX announced they will no longer be allowing school teachers on their spaceships following the second explosion of a Starship mega rocket…
CHICAGO — Local 10-year-old Jake Marshall got a surprising glimpse into adulthood during Take Your Child to Work Day when he discovered that his father,…
WASHINGTON — President Trump commented on the appearance of the Statue of Liberty calling it a “six, at best” during a press conference on the…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump attended Ash Wednesday service at St. John’s Episcopal Church, Lafayette Square, where he reportedly asked the reverend performing the service…
RICHMOND — Devoted tradwife Becky Johanson was reportedly shocked with the amount of anal involved with the lifestyle, reported wide-eyed neighbors and friends. “I was…
WASHINGTON — The Democratic Party announced their plans to respond to recent political upheaval by awarding the Book of the Year prize to bestselling pop-psychology…
LOS ANGELES — Controversial rapper Kanye West interrupted the Best Picture winner on stage at the Academy Awards to say the 1935 Nazi propaganda movie…
LOS ANGELES — Local parents Greg and Linda Dwyer reportedly continue to dismiss their son’s filmmaking career by referring to his critically-lauded work as “his…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump signed an executive order demanding Kid Vid be the sole member of the Burger King Kids Club, befuddled sources report.…
LOS ANGELES — A halftime performance by Icelandic post-rock band Sigur Rós led to an unheard of scoreless third quarter between the Golden State Warriors…