LOS GATOS, Calif. — Netflix CEO Reed Hastings announced earlier this week that the streaming platform lost 200,000 monthly viewers last quarter, which amounted to exactly three paying subscribers. “We’re obviously very disappointed with our viewership numbers, but we’re more shocked that we lost half of our subscribing audience as well,” said Hastings. “We’re hoping that new original content, video games, and more interactive programs will get us back up to at least five subscribers.” The three cancellations affected tens of thousands of family members, friends, and acquaintances of the former subscribers, making them unable to watch quality programming like “Nailed It!” “Yeah, I don’t really remember the name of the guy whose account I use. We met one day when we were both waiting for the bathroom at the beach. We talked for like 10 minutes and they gave me their password,” said a viewer who lost access to their account. “Me and the other 48,000 people I shared their password with are heartbroken over it.” In order to recoup these losses, Hastings said Netflix was considering offering a cheaper, ad-supported plan for viewers, and finally showing “full cock” on the next season of “Bridgerton.”
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