CHICAGO — American multinational fast food chain McDonald’s revealed the new Filet-O-Silverfish, a sandwich developed in order to circumvent crippling seafood tariffs imposed by the Trump administration.
“McDonald’s is proud to announce the Filet-O-Silverfish,” said CEO Chris Kempczinski. “This tasty addition to our menu comprises dozens of plump, juicy silverfish scrounged from the floor of each location’s bathroom, coated in our signature batter, and fried to a crispy, golden brown before being topped with our creamy tartar sauce and served on a sesame seed bun. I know how much our customers love our Filet-O-Fish, and there’s no doubt in my mind that they will find a new favorite with this item. Pair this with our one-of-a-kind fries, which will likely be fried in beef tallow before the end of the year, and you’ll find yourself saying ‘I’m lovin’ it!’”
Customer Rod Carrington was hesitant to try the new sandwich.
“I love McDonald’s, man, but that thing looks…off,” Carrington pondered while looking at a picture of the Filet-O-Silverfish. “I just don’t know if frying a silverfish makes it any more appetizing. I used to see those things on the floor of my apartment when I was in college, and they did not look like something I would want to eat. I understand they don’t want to pay tariffs on seafood, but isn’t there anything else they could do to get around them? I knew Western society was going to have to make the pivot to eating bugs at some point in my lifetime, but I didn’t know it was going to happen so quickly, and I certainly didn’t expect it would be 100% Donald Trump’s fault. I’m really starting to regret voting for him three times.”
Economist Sandra Vasquez weighed in on the situation.
“It’s not uncommon for fast food restaurants to switch to unpalatable dishes for cost-cutting reasons,” Vasquez said. “However, I’ve been observing this happening much more rapidly with these new tariffs acting as a completely unnecessary punitive measure against American citizens. It’s actually quite remarkable, strictly from an economic analysis perspective. For example, Wendy’s now uses grass clippings from outside its buildings in lieu of lettuce for its salads, and Hardee’s burgers are now made with meat from stray cats instead of beef, although I’m not aware of any customers complaining about the latter change.”
At press time, Donald Trump cited the Filet-O-Silverfish as the latest accomplishment of his presidency.
