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Man Wishes He Had Waited Until After Show to Buy Authentic Japanese Katana at Merch Table

SAN DIEGO — Local punk Chris Abernathy regretted his impulse decision to buy merch last night, wishing he waited until the show ended to purchase a genuine Japanese sword from a touring band, irritated sources confirmed.

“I can’t believe we sold that sword,” said Jack Eckersley, merch guy for Phoenix-based punk band Treasure Below. “We found it at this flea market and wrote our name on the handle as a goof. But, you know what? It’s pretty badass. And we made $25.”

“I don’t know what he’s gonna do, though — I don’t think they allow re-entry here,” he added. “Enjoy walking around with a sword all night, I guess.”

The curved, single-edged blade and holster proved aggravating for Abernathy, and anyone in his immediate vicinity, at the standing-room-only show.

“Why does that dude have a fucking sword? Is that even allowed in here?” asked Hallie Harris, fellow attendee of last night’s show. “He must’ve bumped into me with that thing a dozen times… and I’ve seen him knock at least three people’s drinks over — not to mention, whatever the sound guy was yelling at him about.”

Abernathy reported he didn’t intend to buy the historically preferred weapon of feudal Japanese samurais when he came to the show, but the opportunity was “too sweet” to pass up.

“I was gonna buy a hoodie,” said the 17-year-old Abernathy. “But they were all out of youth larges. Then I was gonna get a T-shirt, but they were out of youth larges on those, too. I wanted to buy something since they’re on tour, but I can’t play cassettes… so I kind of just panicked and said I’d take this sword.”

After spending most of the show frantically apologizing for the obtrusiveness of his impromptu purchase, Abernathy reflected on his evening’s choices.

“If I could do it all over again, I probably wouldn’t buy this authentic Japanese katana that this band was selling, just to support the scene,” he admitted. “But, I don’t know… still better than that old recliner they also had for sale. The girl who bought that looked like a real idiot pushing it around.”

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