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Man Issues Press Release Announcing He No Longer Accepting TV Show Recommendations

NEW YORK — Local man Brian Crowley issued a press release begging anyone he encounters to please stop recommending television shows for him to watch because he is currently backed up until the beginning of the next century, confirmed sources that can’t believe he hasn’t watched “The Last of Us.”

“There are only so many hours in the day and between my usual daily routine, social life, and existing media I am engaged in, I no longer have the capacity to take on additional content,” the statement read. “Besides, I already have a usual repertoire of shows that I enjoy and am falling very far behind on. It would be an insult to the creators of those fine products to try and pack in more intricate characters, backstories, and plot twists. I’ve done the math and based on my age and the current life expectancy of an American male, there is statistically not enough time for me to sit down and watch every single show that has been suggested to me.”

People closely associated with Crowley rolled their eyes and said this follows a pattern of his contrarianism and tendency for the melodramatic.

“I don’t know what the hell Brian’s doing that he’s so goddamn busy he can’t watch a single episode of ‘Obi-Wan,’” longtime friend Jason McNeely commented. “The real reason he doesn’t have time to watch new TV shows is because he’s always parked at that dive bar pretending to read. If anything this whole press release shit is just some way for him to show the whole world how cultured and refined he thinks he is. It’s his classic pattern of attention-seeking behavior. Plus where the fuck did he get the money to hire a PR firm when that asshole owes me $40?”

Media experts note that now that the endless freetime afforded by Covid lockdowns is over, people don’t have time to binge most TV shows, but added that Crowley’s case is extreme.

“While I can understand not wanting to be interrogated about the most recent episode of ‘Succession,’ this all seems a bit over-the-top,” remaked media analyst, Lisa Moyer. “Back when the government was paying us to sit on our asses and watch TV, the abundance of quality media options wasn’t the huge annoyance it’s become now. In Crowley’s case, it seems as though he just needs to go out of his way to let everyone know he thinks he’s too good to watch TV or something. What a douchebag.”

At press time, Crowley had fired up the same “Family Guy” he’s seen over a dozen times and can quote from memory.