JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Local MAGA Republican Richard Goiter released a new conservative version of Mad Libs where all pronouns have been replaced by racial slurs, confirmed eye-rolling sources.
“This is all an effort to own the Mad Libs,” an impassioned Goiter explained. “Every year another racial slur is lost to political correctness and I hate to see our language and our culture being erased. I want future generations to not only know these slurs, but know who to use them against. We are talking about words that came over on the Mayflower. Words that have been used throughout history by great American patriots from Christopher Columbus to Hulk Hogan. Do you know what happens after I inhale three cans of computer duster and scratch a big beautiful slur onto a bathroom stall? The next day, poof. It’s gone. Someone will paint over it. What happened to free speech?”
Insurrectionist Eric Graham was first in line to purchase seven copies of the game.
“Hell yeah! Trump forever! I can’t wait to see those Mad Libs cry over this one! They want us to use pronouns? There’s no way we will ever do that. I won’t, she won’t, he won’t,” a riled up Graham stated. “What makes this game so fun is that it isn’t WOKE at all. It’s not for crybabies that are sensitive about everything. Fathers passing down racial slurs to their sons is a right of passage. We aren’t gonna let the liberal elite prevent hardworking Americans like me from doing that. That’s why I want to give a copy to my son Ryfle, but some liberal judge said I’m not allowed to have contact with him just because I punched his mom repeatedly in the head when she said Trump was a pedo.”
Local English teacher Meredith York took issue with the changes made by Goiter to what she felt was already a fun, educational game.
“It’s just absurd to think pronouns are somehow ‘woke.’ Pronouns are essential parts of speech just like adjectives and verbs. I consider myself a moderate and as long as a state-appointed genitalia checker has confirmed that the pronouns match the goods, we should be free to use them. As for the racial slurs, I think it’s a bit crass to put them in a game like that. When I was young we said these words quietly and later denied it. That’s what we need to get back to, expressing our racism with plausible deniability.”
At the time of print, Goiter decided to donate his profits to Christians Against Literacy, an organization that strives to bring children back to church by limiting their education and closing all doors that don’t lead them to Jesus.
