CONCORD, N.H. — Local grunge revival band Lost Junk announced that they inked an unofficial deal to give a nearby Goodwill distribution rights to all their merchandise, confirmed sources who just dropped off trash bags full of unsold shirts and demos.
“We couldn’t be more excited to have our CDs stocked next to classics like ‘Gospel Essentials 4,’ ‘A Big Bang Theory Christmas,’ and ‘Celtic Mysteries: Songs for the Emerald Isle,’” said Lost Junk guitarist Terry Kaufman. “We had been trying to sell our merch at shows but we couldn’t really find an audience. When we tried giving away some demos we would see people immediately throw them into the trash. So we wanted to try something new. I talked with the head of merchandising and he said Goodwill is planning on stocking our shirts for a whole week before they will be turned into rags or sold by the pound to a textile distributor.”
Concord Goodwill store manager Aamina Norris says the merchandise of lots of local bands ends up on her shelves.
“There was a period where a ton of the kids in the area were playing that devil music and the shirts they would drop off would have the most disgusting images I’d ever seen,” said Norris. “Like demon dogs mounting a nun. And mind you, I’m not much of a religious person, God and I have a lot to talk about I can tell you that, but I’m not about to stock a shirt with puddles of blood and semen printed on it. Save that for the Salvation Army, those lowlifes will sell anything. And if a band has lots of vinyl records we usually use them as target practice out back with whatever slingshots were donated recently. It helps keep morale up.”
Laila Frye, the owner of a drop-shipping company specializing in music merch, believes Goodwill is the best place for most bands to end up.
“I get a lot of inquiries about running the merch for up-and-coming bands and I always know which bands will fail. If their IG bio says something about ‘blending musical genres’ then you better believe they aren’t long for this world,” said Frye. “Being stocked in Goodwill isn’t all bad, you might have a grandma buy your album for one of her grandkids because she gets confused easily, or maybe a college student buys your record to make it into one of those dumb ashtrays. The possibilities are endless.”
At press time, Lost Junk projected this to be their most profitable year yet after realizing their donation receipt gives them 15% off their next Goodwill purchase.