PORTLAND, Ore. — Local 29-year-old irritant Kyle Brenner has reportedly become “completely unbearable” after learning the existence, but not the definition of, the word ‘hegemony’ sometime over the weekend, according to friends who confirm this is the last straw.
“This happens like once a week,” said longtime friend Evan Morales, who has known Brenner since college and now actively avoids eye contact in group settings. “He scrolls the front page of /r/politics, picks up a new word, and then just deploys it nonstop like he invented it himself. Last week it was ‘enshittification.’ Before that it was ‘post-structuralism.’ Now everything is hegemony. He said the Strait of Hormuz situation is ‘a late-stage hegemonic structure that reinforces ontological hierarchies.’ I mean, what the fuck does that mean?”
Brenner, however, believes himself to be the bastion of political discourse within his friend group.
“People come to me to help make sense of the world. You guys don’t even realize how deep the hegemony goes,” Brenner said in a TikTok recording late Monday night. “Like, this situation in Hungary? Total hegemony. The way the Christian right just bends a knee to Trump’s will? That’s hegemonic behavior. For those of you that don’t know, a hegemony is, like, well, it means, it’s complicated. I can’t really define it without decentering the narrative of normative paradigms.”
Experts say this behavior is part of a broader pattern in modern political engagement.
“What we’re seeing is the rapid degradation of ideological opinions,” explained Dr. Naomi Stevens, a political psychologist specializing in media consumption habits. “People no longer develop a sustained, coherent political framework. Instead, they latch onto whatever concept was explained clearly on the most recent episode of ‘Last Week Tonight.’ For about 72 hours, that concept becomes their entire personality. Then it’s replaced by the next one. It’s less about understanding and more about temporarily making others think that you do.”
At press time, Brenner was reportedly transitioning away from hegemony and had begun confidently using the made-up phrase “Panopticon Deconstruction.”
