BINGHAMTON, N.Y. – Local World War II enthusiast Edward Spencer says he is looking forward to witnessing the rise of fascism unfold in real-time, horrified sources confirm.
“It’s pretty rare that you get an opportunity to watch a historical subject you’re heavily interested in play out before your eyes,” said Spencer. “There are so many details that get glossed over in histories of 1930s Germany that we’ll get to bear witness to. Like what symbol will they choose for the flags? Who’s going to design the uniforms? Will they use traditional trains to cart off their victims, or will they go with the Tesla Hyperloop? This isn’t an endorsement of fascism, of course—I just think it’s cool to be a witness to history as it happens!”
Spencer’s wife Abby is not pleased with where her husband’s hobby has taken him.
“I knew Ed’s obsession with World War II would lead to no good,” said Mrs. Spencer while she booked a flight to Canada. “He’s actually pretty liberal, but his desire to know what the rise of fascism was like led him to vote for Trump, despite my pleading. Now he’s as giddy as a schoolgirl, getting to see in person how a society falls to right-wing authoritarianism. Luckily I have a sister in Saskatchewan so that’s probably where the kids and I will wind up. I don’t even think he noticed me packing—he’s too consumed with his WWII Discord group and discussing parallels between Trump and Hitler and Vance and Eva Braun.”
Actual historian Philip Snow of American University is adamantly not excited about the country’s prospects.
“No, there’s no way to frame Trump’s re-election as a good thing,” said Professor Snow. “Even if it illuminates how such tragedies occur. Mr. Spencer and his ilk should’ve been satisfied with the many books, podcasts and documentaries that are available on the topic. There’s no need to experience actual fascism in order to understand it. Now real historians like myself will be castigated by future generations for not doing more to prevent this. Listen, jackasses: I did everything I could. Year after year I warned students about the dangers of this shit. But apparently it’s no match for far-right adolescent Kick streamers and Nazis on X.”
At press time, Spencer had attempted to sign his sons up for the newly formed Trump Youth organization, though he was unable to locate his wife or children anywhere.