INDIANAPOLIS — Local man, and Duolingo enthusiast, Brandon Cole horrified friends and acquaintances gathered at an Italian restaurant when he attempted to order food for the table in the waiter’s “native language,” confirmed sources hanging their heads in shame.
“When someone suggested an Italian restaurant I knew it was my time to shine. I know it’s silly, but I sort of expected Nonna and Nonna to come out from the back, covered in homemade gravy to greet me and tell me tales of the old country,” explained Cole, 28. “But unfortunately they must have had to hire some temporary staff because our waiter didn’t speak a single word of Italian. He kept asking if I could order in English and I refused out of principle. After about 25 minutes I just typed our order into Google Translate and handed it to him.”
In the seven-person party, only two ended up with a meal that resembled what they had intended to order: one lasagne, and one pizza.
“It was really embarrassing,” said Kathy Willis, who was the one to suggest the restaurant to the group. “Brandon was clearly in over his head with the less basic food vocabulary, and he was overpronouncing everything to try and compensate. I would normally have just held up the menu and pointed at one of the little pictures, but he insisted that we just tell him what we wanted and he would translate for the waiter, who constantly reminded Brandon it’s actually easier to order in English. I wanted the Chicken Alfredo, and I ended up with a seafood risotto. I have no idea why he thought he could do this.”
Waiter Armando Montanino, who has worked at the restaurant for eight years, said he has seen many patrons attempt to practice their language skills on staff, but rarely with Cole’s overconfidence.
“We like to humor these people,” said Montanino. “And then we try to make sure they know what they’ve actually ordered. But with this young man, it was clear he had learned a few phrases his app had taught him – the boy is drinking water, the girl is eating bread – but was convinced he had total mastery of the Italian language. I did my best, but at the end of the day, I have to bring to the table the food that’s been ordered.”
At press time, Cole was overheard loudly bragging about how he no longer needs subtitles on when he watches “The Sopranos.”