AURORA, Colo. — Desk Sgt. Shane Winchfeld, an eight-year veteran of the Aurora Police Department, was promoted to patrol duty today after emailing an aggressively worded, racist diatribe to a local citizen, proud department officials confirmed.
“Maybe I was a little stressed,” laughed Winchfeld. “Negative police imagery fueled by these fucking protesters and dweebs on TikTok just got to me. Plus, earlier in the day my wife, who, despite what she might say, I do not abuse, left with the kids and it seems like it’s for good this time. So, when the station got an email saying we need to do a better job in communities of color, I just lost my shit and fired off that reply. Something changed in me. And now, with a gun in my hand, I truly feel that I can use that anger to protect and serve the property of white people all around the city from anyone even a shade darker than me.”
Cpt. Mark Mingus, Winchfeld’s commanding officer, is confident in the move.
“Sgt. Winchfeld’s emails are violent, disturbing, and unfitting for an administrative law enforcement agent,” said Mingus. “He has so much hatred inside his body that it makes him perfectly suited for an armed and uniformed police officer. The vitriol and anti-Black sentiment Winch displayed — the way he shot that hollow, pointed email at a concerned citizen without considering the consequences — is going to translate perfectly to the beat.”
Community advocates are deeply worried by Winchfeld’s reassignment, as well as the effect it will have on an already tense relationship between the APD and over-policed Coloradans.
“Sgt. Winchfeld’s move from the desk to the street following the obscene email he sent me is, in essence, a paradigm of the systemic racism we condemn,” said Alysha James, the woman who initially reached out to APD to express her concern. “We know the state of affairs: we see it in the unlawful searches of our properties, in the shootings of our unarmed youth… hell, we saw it when an off-duty desk officer kicked a Mexican girl off her bicycle and was promoted to Captain as soon as video footage confirmed it was him.”
As of press time, a judge approved a raid on Alysha James’ residence because she didn’t immediately thank Sgt. Winchfield for directing a racist tirade at her.