CORTLAND, N.Y. — Local forklift driver Kenny Avalon couldn’t resist the urge to show you a Facebook video of a bunch of guys playing Metallica’s “Master of Puppets” but with banjos, annoyed sources report.
“I’m always finding hilarious and cool videos that happen to come up on my algorithm, and when that occurs, it is my duty to shove my phone in your face and watch your pupils intently to make sure they’re dilating at the exact right moments,” Avalon stated while sitting at a completely empty break table. “It’s too bad no one ever sits on break with me too often, because I’ve found a badass video of a skeleton playing ‘Eruption’ by Van Halen, and now there’s no one here to experience it with me against their will. Oh well, I’ll just bookmark it and show them off after the next team meeting and when I can get a good angle to corner them.”
You, however, complained about Avalon’s persistent behavior.
“Too many times I’ve been sniped by Kenny with his stupid videos of little kids playing drums to AC/DC or of acoustic versions of Black Sabbath songs on TikTok, and I’m not sure how much more I can take,” you explained while peering over your shoulder to make sure Avalon wasn’t around. “I’ve gone so far as to straight up tell Kenny I’m not interested. The last few times I pretended not to know who he even was and he still won’t let up. 10 years of putting up with it is long enough. I have to find a new job.”
Many companies have experienced large numbers of harassment cases that stem from force-watching videos.
“The advent of cellphones and of targeted social media posts have contributed more to workplace discomfort than fake laughing and smiling when someone says, ‘living the dream,’” Human Resources Director Ashani Wilson said. “Now with AI proliferation, the frustrations have only gotten worse. I can’t tell you how many harassment complaints I’ve gotten over Gen-Xers flashing fake AI-generated videos of babies swearing at each other to whoever is in their general vicinity. It’s truly a plague on our workplace culture. These were the same types that, as children, would just have to show you the cool stick they found.”
At press time, Avalon frantically showed his coworker a video of a metal version of “Cotton-Eye Joe” while he was at a urinal in the restroom.