AUSTIN — Self-described “cool” smoke shop Throne Room Tobacco will not require photo ID for customers who are wearing Electric Wizard shirts, bearded sources report.
“Most Electric Wizard fans are well in to their 40s by now, so this policy is the perfect way for us to improve the shop’s reputation without landing in hot water,” Throne Room manager Chuck Greene said as he restocked Delta 8 gummies. “Everyone hates being perceived, especially people who just want to get their glass products and blast ‘Funeralopolis’ in their bedrooms. It’s not right to make those folks show ID. Also, doom metal merch is practically the uniform at the board game shop next door, so this is a great way for us to make new friends.”
Longtime Throne Room customer Scott Freese wasn’t aware of this policy when he mistakenly wore merchandise from other bands to pick up his smokes.
“I thought this was a pretty cool establishment because the staff always complimented my Electric Wizard tee, but today I wore a different shirt and everyone treated me like a total stranger,” Freese said after reluctantly fishing his license out of his pocket to show a cashier. “They even scanned my ID to double check that it was real because they didn’t trust the old photo of me from before I grew out my beard. Mind you, I’m wearing a Weedeater shirt and a matching beanie right now. A really cool smoke shop would respect that instead of asking invasive questions about my home address.”
Tobacco expert Cliff Sowards suggested the shop take additional measures to improve its coolness.
“If Throne Room really wants to be an ultra-hip smoke shop, they should stop carding altogether,” Sowards said loudly over a sludge riff. “At the very least, they need to extend their Electric Wizard exception to include other strains of metal, for the safety and anonymity of their clientele. Under the current policy, people could get busted just for having Electric Wizard shirts in their closets. Training employees to recognize more bands and logos remedies that problem while improving the shop’s reputation among loyal customers.”
In other news, the local Hot Topic now requires photo ID to purchase Electric Wizard merchandise.