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Classic Rock Song Downloaded?

CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. — Local woman Denise Giorgeschi was “utterly shocked” yesterday after finding an mp3 file of AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long” downloaded onto a technological device in the year 2020, according to sources.

“I was on a little road trip with this guy I’d been seeing for a few months. It was our first trip together, so I was pretty excited,” Giorgeschi recalled. “He handed me his phone and said to ‘find whatever’ music to play… and that’s when I saw it, right there. It wasn’t even part of some ironic playlist or anything. Why the fuck would someone use up room on their shitty phone to store a song that’s been playing on the radio every minute of every day for the last 40 years?”

A cursory search through the phone revealed a much more serious issue than Giorgeschi initially assumed.

“I thought maybe it was some one-time thing, or like, maybe someone downloaded it to prank him or something. But when I kept scrolling, I found more — ‘Ramble On,’ ‘Dream On,’ ‘Hotel California.’ I mean, ‘Hotel California?’ Seriously? Give me the faintest FM signal and a twisty knob and I can find you ‘Hotel California’ in three minutes… five, tops,” she said. “This is just like that guy who went to Applebee’s even when he didn’t have a gift card, all over again. I really don’t know how I keep attracting these same types of guys. My therapist is gonna have a field day with this.”

Clinical psychologist Dr. Moira Banks confirmed that downloading songs played on the radio every day for over 25 years is a condition that should be taken seriously.

“Medically speaking, the downloading of any music with so many streaming options currently available, let alone songs that can be heard playing at Dave & Busters at any time of the day, would be enough to classify a person as ‘totally weird,’ if not a ‘total fucking psychopath,” Dr. Banks explained. “Studies have shown that those who download classic rock songs prefer Redbox over standard streaming services, and will likely never stop quoting Cheech and Chong’s ‘Up in Smoke.’”

At press time, Giorgeschi had made it back to her car, where she played the same burned copy of Nirvana “Unplugged” that’s been in her car’s CD player since 2008.