AUSTIN, Texas — The Austin city government placed a bronze statue of a homeless man sleeping on a bench in an effort to raise awareness about the housing crisis and keep unhoused people from sleeping on the bench, confirmed baffled sources.
“These monuments depict the struggle of homelessness and serve as a reminder that we’ve got people out here sleeping on the streets. Just not this bench, on this particular street, because I happen to live right next to this park and I use this bench to play Wordle when my wife is being mean to me. It’s my escape,” said Alderperson Quincy Douglas “We’re also outlawing panhandling and providing QR codes that people can donate to help the homeless. All donations will go through the proper bureaucratic channels, be taxed as income, and ensure efficient delivery of funds directly benefiting the unhoused, like hiring more police.”
Local congregations applauded the city’s action, with some clergymen promising to match the efforts.
“We think this statue is a beautiful gesture and we love it so much that we’re going to do a similar dedication with the church steps,” said Pastor Walter Moss. “Our plan is to add dedicative spikes on the church steps to symbolize how hard and painful it is to experience homelessness. We’re also hosting a barbeque to raise awareness for the issue. Proceeds from each rack of ribs sold will go directly to the church so that we can more effectively make people aware that there are people that are homeless.”
Local citizens were convinced they were also helping the unhoused community.
“I do my part by using people-first language and donating money to the artist that creates the statue to raise awareness,” said concerned citizen Kyle Grey. “Another thing I like to do is film myself going around town and giving iPads to people living in their cars or encampments. I pretend that I’m homeless myself and I ask them for money. When they try to help, I say ‘psych’ and I give them an iPad. That’s really got my TikTok popping off and I’m hoping to transition to world travel videos in undeveloped nations soon. You know, do the same thing in like, Mozambique.”
At press time, the city announced plans to build a memorial iron tent city under the bridge to commemorate the people that lived there prior to the police’s sweep.