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Budweiser Doubles Down on Pride With Super Bowl Commercial Featuring Gay Clydesdale

ST. LOUIS – Budweiser is once again battling backlash after airing a Super Bowl commercial featuring Hank, a fancy Clydesdale pulling a hitch full of icy cold Bud Light who many conservatives and anti-LGBTQ+ organizations claim is gay as the day is long.

“While Budweiser strives to be inclusive of all communities, the choice to feature Hank in our advertising had nothing to do with his political alignment or sexual orientation,” said a spokesperson for Anheuser-Busch. “We just really like fancy horses. Gay or straight we just can’t get enough of those fluffy fucking feet and Hank has some fantastic hooves. We don’t judge Hank for who he chooses to love, and it’s sad that people have politicized Hank’s television debut.”

People on both sides are wondering how Budweiser would have determined the sexuality of a horse and warn that assuming a horse’s orientation is misguided and harmful to the Clydesdale community.

“I know for a damn fact that Budweiser put extensive research into choosing the right Clydesdale for the job. They basically had 24-7 surveillance of the horses,” said local beer drinker, Wayne Matthews. “They saw how Hank continuously mounted the other stallions and still chose to use him in their commercial. This isn’t about his charisma, or how great he looks on camera. They have an agenda, they want to turn our horses gay, then our children gay, and then turn our children into horses. They go really into detail about it in my Reddit sub. It’s sick.”

Budweiser has a history of pushing progressive policies. Back in the ‘90s conservatives boycotted the brand for adopting the controversial, “Drink Responsibly,” tagline.

“When Budweiser started selling out and caving to liberal rhetoric about drinking in moderation I could see the writing on the wall. If a hardworking, patriotic man or woman wants to get loaded at their son’s little league game and drive the family into a telephone pole on the way to Little Gino’s Pizzeria, that’s my right as a citizen of this great country,” said conservative media analyst Brian Welk. “Now they’re pushing us to accept these fancy horses. That beer cart should be pulled by something All-American like a Bald Eagle. Not a horse with leg-warmers.”

At the time of press, Papa John’s debuted their Super Bowl commercial meant to appeal to religious conservatives which showed a man and a woman eating the pizza in silence while staring at a television screen.