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Bottoms Unionize, Ask Tops for List of Demands

BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Bottoms from all over Kings County have formally announced their intent to unionize, their representative recently said during a press conference.

“We, the submissives of Bushwick, have worked tirelessly for our dominants for far too long without the proper recognition, benefits, or compensation. It’s time for this to end,” said Vernon Windsor, the union representative and token switch. “As is customary with collective bargaining, we’d like to, um, enter negotiations, and we’d really like if the tops would go ahead and take care of the whole ‘list of demands’ thing. We really should have done this from the start but I guess you have to learn somewhere. Thank you, Mistress.”

Union member Rainer Poole provided some insight into the organizing process.

“This was a pretty straightforward effort, to be honest. The service subs were super eager and easy to work with,” Poole said while thoroughly cleaning a pair of Doc Martens that were definitely not theirs. “But I’ll be honest with you—the brat contingent proved difficult to win over. I honestly think those guys just get off on being snippy little contrarians. We got them in the end, though, when ‘Sir’ Vernon Walters threatened to use his ‘Top Voice.’ That shut ‘em up and made ‘em cum real quick.”

The tops were quick to respond with a counter-offer during negotiations, as usual.

“We, the tops, have heard your announcement and are honestly a little impressed. Very good job!” the top representative Mistress Sterling said, patronizingly smirking. “We went ahead and put together a list of chores and assignments for you all, and we expect them to be done in a timely fashion, and we will be listening for you to ask for permission, won’t we?”

“And if you’re extra good, we promise to make the reward worth your while,” they added.

Upon realizing that the tops misunderstood their request, the flustered bottoms still promptly agreed to take care of all of this for them, not a problem!

Photo by Jana Miller.