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Beto O’Rourke Supporter Holding 6-Pack of PBR Doesn’t Have Any Money for Donation

FORT WORTH, Texas — Fervent Beto O’Rourke supporter Ritchie Garza attended a fundraiser event for the U.S. Senatorial candidate late last week, at which he arrived with one six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, but no donation money, sources confirmed.

“As Texans, we welcome people from all walks of life,” said event organizer Mandy Allen, handing out $5 Lone Star tall cans. “Even townies who only go to shows if they’re on a guest list. But recent polls show Cruz is pulling further ahead of O’Rourke, so we need more critical support than ever.”

The event, which featured local punk bands, grassroots organizers and speakers, as well as a cash bar with all proceeds going to O’Rourke’s campaign, was a huge draw for Garza, who “really likes Beto” despite being “strapped for cash at the moment, you know how it is.”

“It’s chill. I’m sharing that video of Beto skating in the Whataburger lot on Facebook right now,” Garza said. “Gotta raise awareness. Every little bit really does count.”

The event was well-attended by nearly 40 tirelessly-working activists in addition to Garza, who allegedly asked various attendees if Cedric Bixler-Zavala would be making an appearance.

“He said he couldn’t donate money yet because he’d spent it on beer, which is ‘the only thing’ that makes his back pain better,” said fundraiser attendee Shana Pagels. “When I told him about O’Rourke’s stance on healthcare, and that phone-banking from home was something with which volunteers with disabilities were having a lot of success, he said something about his phone being broken — even though I definitely saw him Instagramming all night — so I’m not expecting much.”

Asked if he felt empowered to support or spread the word about O’Rourke’s campaign, Garza was quick and enthusiastic in his response.

“Totally,” he said, setting down an empty PBR can next to the recycling bin. “This Beto sticker right here? It’s more than a sticker — it sends a message. I’m gonna put it on the most visible part of the bottom of my skateboard.”

At press time, Garza was overheard confirming that the “Beto for Senate” stickers were, indeed, free.

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