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Band’s Craft Beer Release Just a Way to Keep Bassist Busy

CHICAGO — Local band Wasp Honey admitted that their upcoming craft beer collaboration was motivated mainly by a desire to get their over-eager bassist Kyle Thurso out of their hair for just a few fucking hours a week, annoyed sources confirmed.

“It was win-win, really. Kyle got to go and represent the band, and tell them what our beer should taste like, and feel important for a few minutes a day,” explained Wasp Honey singer Ami Adebayo. “And the rest of us got to have a few recording sessions without him giving us his badly-explained ideas for how we ought to sing or drum or play guitar. Our guitarist has re-recorded all of Kyle’s bass parts for the album, and they’re sounding great. Plus we got like ten crates of okay beer for free.”

Thurso was enthusiastic about his role in the beer’s creation.

“I was honored that the band trusted me with this responsibility,” explained the bassist after making himself dizzy in an office chair. “I really saw myself as an ambassador for our music and our brand as a whole. Although I didn’t know all the brewing theory stuff, it still felt like a totally equal collaboration. Sometimes I would say things like ‘what if it went fizzfizzfizz, but then it tastes of peanut butter, and then it’s fizzy again, and then also it’s extra-cold at the end?’ – really getting them to question what is and isn’t a beer, y’know?”

Jan Kučera, the brewmaster in charge, was lukewarm about the venture.

“Nobody expects band collab beers to be anything special, so we assigned the project to Todd Timmins,” said Kučera. “Todd’s kind of the ‘bassist’ of our brewery, if that makes any sense? And not just because he does actually play bass. Anyway, probably a mistake – Todd and Kyle came up with this bizarre turmeric-forward hard ginger beer called ‘Root Notes.’ I had to go in and re-brew it myself afterward. I buried all the weird spicy adjuncts deep in the mix, and came out with a passable 10%-strength double IPA that should get people shitfaced enough that they don’t notice all the fucking galangal in there”.

At press time, Thurso had just tweeted that the next Wasp Honey collab would be a 7″ single featuring him and Timmins in a two-bass jam with lyrics detailing the German “Reinheitsgebot” beer purity laws. The tweet was immediately deleted by the rest of the band.


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