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Band Releases Signature Coffee Beans to Let Fans Know They’re Done Making Good Music

RENO, Nev. – Local doom metal darlings Swamp Creatures released their new signature coffee beans to let their fans they’re absolutely done making good music, sources close to the band confirmed.

“Listen, this has been a long time coming and I want to be honest with our fans,” said frontman Blake Kurtz. “We’ve been running out of steam since we dropped our 2014 record, ‘Swamp Creatures Strike Back.’ We’re certainly not getting any younger and neither are our fans, so this just seems like the best way for us to get some cash without going into the studio again. The signature Bog Monster Blend is inspired by everything our band is about–the need for energy on long tours, giving our fans a quality product they’re gonna love, and diversifying our income streams so we can all pay down our credit card debts.”

Fans expressed a mixture of excitement and sadness at the bands announcement.

“I’ve loved Swamp Creatures since I was in high school, man,” said self-proclaimed superfan Ian Taylor. “As great as it was to see them on their reunion tour, it’s really nice to know I don’t have to get my hopes up about the quality of their new releases anymore. The coffee’s great, too! I have it every morning to remind myself it’s ok to let things you love die.”

Food and drink blogger Casey Carmichael remarked that Swamp Creature’s latest business venture is part of a much larger trend.

“It’s definitely become more commonplace for bands to release a coffee blend when they’re ready to give up, creatively speaking,” Carmichael said while throwing away a full bag of Bog Monster blend sent to him as PR. “Studies have shown that as fans age, they’re more likely to buy whatever thing their favorite band slaps their name on. It’s a perfectly sound decision for a band rapidly running out of ideas.”

At press time, the band members of Swamp Creatures were seen brainstorming ideas for their collaboration with a local brewery.