29. Birdhouse “The End”
This video was rumored to have a million-dollar budget, which is a million more dollars than I currently have in my bank account. In fact I’m in severe debt because I tried building a loop in my driveway and it collapsed on me on the first attempt.
28. Girl “Mouse”
Yeah, so… what the fuck. There are only dumbass trees and shit in the woods. I spent way too much time in the middle of nowhere looking for a secret manual pad with a perfect runup that doesn’t exist. Fuck the woods and fuck trying to 50-50 logs. The head injuries are not worth it.
27. Toy Machine “Welcome to Hell”
Everyone assumed that skateboarding and Satanism went hand-in-hand already, but this Toy Machine video confirmed it. No one could do Hell better than Ed Templeton, and by Hell we mean drawing weird alien guys and filming Jamie Thomas doing foot stuff.
26. Habitat “Mosaic”
Every 13-year-old that watched this video thought they could get on a skateboard and look like Danny Renaud or Stefan Janoski only to learn it was a cruel joke. Best they could hope for was Fred Gall with a torn ACL.
25. Foundation “That’s Life”
Based on Ethan Fowler and Corey Duffel’s parts, I thought wearing a leather jacket would make me look cooler on a skateboard. Turns out, I’m allergic to leather, and I broke out in a bright red rash that smelled like shit. Good thing I was sponsored by my parents’ health insurance.
24. Big Brother “Boob”
Woody Harrelson and Big Brother are complicit in selling the idea that Larry Flynt couldn’t walk. Everyone knows he actually filmed all the tricks in this video but pretended to be in a wheelchair for tax purposes–which seems like a solid business decision now that I think about it.
23. Tilt Mode Army “Man Down”
Any suburban dad’s vinyl truck stickers will tell you the Second Amendment allows for a well-regulated militia or whatever. But Tilt Mode was a feral army roving the countryside, and not even 2A can justify the amount of shotguns these guys did. Not responsible. Very anti-American. Pro-violence. Too horny.
22. “The Worble and Cobra Man’s Worble III”
The most recent entry on the list. Man Ramp changed the game, but was it really necessary? When I watch skate videos, I prefer to scowl and stare slack jawed in wonder at the majesty of the tricks being performed. There is no room in skateboarding for joy or laughter. If the w0rble crew gets away with this, we might as well just hold improv classes on the deck of every mini ramp instead of doing Smith grinds to prove our value to the group.
21. Transworld “The Reason”
Cairo Foster and Gershon Mosely’s parts aside, The Reason should have sunk Transworld Media for its flagrant use of Moby. I know it was the ’90s, but… any self-respecting skateboarding entity should’ve actively resisted this bald menace. Instead, TW forced us to endure Play instead of using more worthy acts of the time like Crazy Town or Coal Chamber.