Jeff Bender
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PRINCETON, N.J. — Shore-rock legend Bruce Springsteen confirmed rumors Thursday that he’s keeping guitarist Ray Barone on retainer to accompany…
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Doug Kolic
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TAMPA, Fla. — Local piece of shit band The Fallen Embers were unabashedly ashamed after only ever creating one global…
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Stephen Bell
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LOS ANGELES — Fans of the ‘80s hair metal band Mötley Crüe are reportedly heartbroken and disgusted after hearing bassist…
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John Danek
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REYKJAVÍK — Enigmatic musical artist Björk is being accused by human beings and birds alike of selfishly and aggressively eating…
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S.L. Neechski
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WORTHINGTON, Mass. — Country musician and patriot cosplayer Aaron Lewis admitted this week that he crowdsourced his new album, “I’m…
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Steve Packosky
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CENTRE ISLAND, N.Y. — Popular singer/songwriter Billy Joel revealed that his 1973 hit “Piano Man” is actually about a nightmarish…
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Colleen Nerney
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CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Nearly 40-year-old punk woman Allie Gerard recently made a solemn vow to resist the urge to become…
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Brian Wishart
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LOS ANGELES — Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler is surprised that he is included in the cast announcement for the new…
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Tim Graham
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SONOMA COUNTY, Calif. — Eccentric singer Tom Waits demanded all correspondence be brought to him in increasingly unorthodox ways, frustrated…
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Doug Kolic
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BANGOR, Maine — Members of death metal band Rhino Sphincter expressed relief that the fog machine they rolled out during…
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