Chris Bratton
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BOSTON — Dropkick Murphys bagpipe player Campbell Webster was seen frantically Googling “puke bagpipes clean help Boston,” confirmed sources who…
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Chris Bowen
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LOWELL, Mass. — Local boozehound Dennis McLaughlin was divinely inspired to continue to drink to the point of incoherence after…
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Doug Kolic
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ATLANTA — Local battle rapper Slim Todd Paulson was apparently surprised that so many of his opponents in a recent…
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Nathan Kamal
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COLTS NECK, N.J. — The grandchildren of legendary musical artist Bruce Springsteen are reportedly exhausted after being serenaded with a…
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Chris Bowen
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GAINESVILLE, Fla. — Local noise festival Thwack Fest announced it would be partnering with their sponsors Harbor Freight and Excedrin…
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Ryan Dondero
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OAKLAND, Calif. — Local thrash metal fan Zack Holloway reportedly plays doom metal records at 78 RPM in a desperate…
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Jason Clemence
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TAMPA, Fla. — Local death metal band Sinister Descent unveiled a brand new logo after bassist Saul Cohen had the…
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Jordan Liffengren
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As I write this from a jail cell for accidental tax evasion, I know one thing is certain: the world…
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Steve Packosky
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LONDON — Legendary British metal band Iron Maiden found themselves writing a song about the British Credit Crisis of 1772…
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Patrick Crooks
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ATLANTA — Authorities were called to the State Farm Arena this evening to respond to what eyewitnesses report as a…
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