Doug Kolic
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OKLAHOMA CITY — Scientists announced that the ashes of a cremated punk were so toxic that it would likely poison…
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Tim Sheard
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MELBOURNE — Leading archaeology authorities excitedly reported they’re narrowing in on finally unearthing a song by Jet that isn’t “Are…
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Reuben Blanchard
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PROVIDENCE, R.I. — A life-long fan of the political rock group Rage Against the Machine expressed outrage that the band’s…
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Steve Packosky
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ANAHEIM, Calif. — Recently deceased grandmother of six Dorothy Roddenbury selfishly had a funeral on the same day Anthrax was…
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Mimi Kenny
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HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — Rebellious bartender Shae Ruggeri insisted on playing Semisonic’s signature song “Closing Time” exclusively at the start of…
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Zack Zagranis
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LODI, N.J. — Misfits lead singer Glenn Danzig is reportedly amending the band’s ongoing request for skulls to include leg…
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Laurie Bolewitz
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RICHMOND, Va. — Metal band GWAR’s newest lead vocalist was announced via a giant white steam cloud of creamy ejaculate…
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Steve Packosky
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NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Popular musician turned right-wing icon Kid Rock revealed a line from his 1999 hit “Bawitaba” referred to…
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Zack Zagranis
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WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump delayed the annual White House Easter Egg Roll a in order to allow time to…
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Chris Bowen
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LOCKPORT, N.Y. — Local 35-year-old man Richard Colburn recently came to the stark realization that he will never again experience…
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