Hard Drive Archives - Page 108

Confused Gamer Can’t Find Sniper Option on Army Enlistment Form

Neil Floyd • October 10, 2019

LEAWOOD, Kan. — Local gamer Kevin Zelinski was confused when he couldn’t find the option to enlist as a sniper…

Jeff Kaplan Calmly Explains Why It’s Important to Balance Human Rights With Chinese Money

Hard Drive Staff • October 9, 2019

IRVINE, Calif. — Following outcries surrounding Blizzard’s suspension and award termination of a Hearthstone player for making pro-Hong Kong comments,…

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We Sent a Gamer to Drink the Dew on Mount Everest and He Is Almost Certainly Dead

Andy Holt • October 8, 2019

It is with a heavy heart and absolutely no civil or criminal liability whatsoever that Hard Drive must announce the…

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Man Loses All His Friends After Removing Hat With +3 Charisma

Joe Klein • October 8, 2019

NEW YORK — Local man Nolan Brubaker’s social life is in tatters after the 30-year-old removed his Hat of +3…

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LoFi Hip Hop Radio Girl Still Fails Test After Four Years of Studying

Carlos "Callie" Cadorniga • October 8, 2019

PROBABLY SOMEWHERE IN ITALY — Several sources have recently confirmed that the LoFi Hip Hop Radio Girl has failed her…

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Monster Attack Leaves 37 Dead, 120 Homeless, 1 Power Ranger Having Learned Valuable Lesson About Peer Pressure

Charles E.P. Murphy • October 7, 2019

ANGEL GROVE, Calif. — The Levy Heights massacre, in which a half-boar half-clown monster called Piggly Giggly destroyed dozens of…

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Method Actor Joaquin Phoenix Rumored to Have Developed Sense of Humor in Preparation for Joker Role

Mark Roebuck • October 7, 2019

LOS ANGELES — Reports are surfacing from behind the scenes of the hit film Joker that famously committed actor Joaquin…

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Catwoman Reminds Comic Con Hookup That After This Weekend Their Relationship Is No Longer Canon

Dan Kozuh • October 6, 2019

NEW YORK — Erica Matthison, a New York Comic Con attendee dressed as Catwoman, reportedly told her con hookup late…

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Wendy’s Releases Twenty-Sided Bacon Cheeseburger

Doug Francisco • October 5, 2019

DUBLIN, Ohio – In a press conference today, Wendy's announced a new twenty-sided bacon cheeseburger which will be released later…

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Opinion: This Isn’t Actually a Spoiler

Andy Holt • October 3, 2019

I know you haven’t seen The Siege of Trenton yet. You had to work the night of the premiere, I…

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