Woooo! San Diego! This beach condo is sick!
Who wants edibles? I hit up that dispensary by the airport on our way here. The dude said these are just like regular gummy worms except…
Holy shit, did you eat the whole bag on the way here?
You thought I brought an entire bag of these for each person? That was supposed to last the six of us for the whole week. That dose is for each gummy, not the entire bag! Have you ever had edibles before? Fuck, if I ever ate a second gummy, I would become the couch for the day. And there were 30 in there! You idiot, that was enough THC to sedate a gorilla for surgery. But first, you’re probably going to be a paranoid lunatic for the rest of the night.
Let’s see that was about an hour ago right? Yeah so right about now you’re probably starting to feel… Hey! CALM DOWN! You need to fucking chill.
All this screaming is going to make it worse. Plus you should really keep that heart rate down for the next 24 hours. Remember, there is nothing you can do to stop this. The train has left stoner station and you’re stuck on board. This is going to be a long weekend for you and an annoyingly sober weekend for the rest of us while we babysit your dumb ass. You’re going to be energized by fear but also paralyzed by, well, fear.
Where are you going? Get back here!
Nobody is going to the hospital! Come drink this Gatorade and lie down on the floor. You’re going to want these electrolytes over the next couple of days, and honestly, this might be your last opportunity to make full use of your arms.
Ok, great job. You’re doing alright. Just take some deep breaths. Are you feeling any better?
No? Well, at least you’re not freaking out anymore. And maybe you can learn a lesson from this experience. Maybe next time you’ll wait for the rest of us instead of eating all the candy like some fucking toddler. Now can you please shut up and go to sleep?
That’s it, there you go, just drift off now. I know you feel pretty rocky right now but just remember, the chances of this being permanent are less than half. Less than half dude! Chill!