Well, I had a very interesting Christmas season. Sorry, I forgot I’m not supposed to say “Christmas” anymore — I meant, happy HOLIDAYS. Anyway, I recently learned about some new holiday called “Kwanzaa.” I haven’t done much research, but it’s clearly only for black people. Sorry, I’m not supposed to say “black” either. Kwanzaa is for “happy holidays” people.
That said, it actually sounds kinda cool and it got me thinking: where is the Kwanzaa for white people?
Seriously, I think we’re the only ones not getting our due! This Kwanzaa thing isn’t an isolated incident, it’s a pattern. The Jews get Hanukkah, the Mexicans get Feliz Navidad, and now there’s this Kwanzaa thing. And we’re left with what? Just Christmas? I have had enough shitty Christmases for one lifetime, I want something special. Something just for us. I want a white Kwanzaa. We don’t have to call it that, though. I was thinking something like “Alabastra,” but less gay. Sorry, less “happy holidays.”
Related: My Grandfather Didn’t Die in WWII for You to Say “Happy Holidays.” He Died for Nazi Germany
I posted about the lack of a white-centric holiday on Twitter, and of course people are coming at me super angry and missing the point. Telling me “every day is white people day.” Yeah, I wish.
Besides, Kwanzaa is seven days long and it starts after Christmas. It doesn’t seem fair that we opened up Christmas to share with everybody and they turn around and spend an additional week getting even more gifts. A whole week they probably spend opening presents and watching Get Out and cracking jokes on white people or whatever. Again, haven’t done much research.
I’m not even saying that black people shouldn’t have Kwanzaa. They wanna have their thing, fine. Now let us have ours. I’m always in support of separate but equal. I’m a moderate.
Can’t we just get one holiday where we get to celebrate or are we too “privileged?” By the way, if white people are so privileged, then how come I didn’t get anything I wanted for Christmas this year?
There’s something to think on.
Still need to buy someone a Kwanzaa gift because you don’t know when Kwanzaa is? Better be on the safe side and buy them a Hard Times t-shirt today: