With the economy tanking and unemployment skyrocketing, we at The Hard Times realized it may have been misguided to assume the country would elect a president that would fight for a living wage.
After failing to convince our landlord to accept drink tickets as payment, we had to figure out a way to cover rent, so we sat down with Kate Miller, a millennial Biden supporter, to see if her parents could pay our rent too.
The Hard Times: Thanks for taking the time to sit down with us, Kate. This is a pretty sick apartment you got here. What do your parents do for work?
Kate Miller: Uhm…my father is a professor at NYU and my step-mom runs a non-profit that educates the homeless about investing in stock options. Anyway, I’m sure you want to talk about Biden, so let me start by sayi-
Yeah, Biden. Totally. So Mr. and Mrs. Miller sound like pretty socially liberal people. Would you say they’re fiscally…well off?
It’s “Professor and Dr. Miller,” and I have no idea what that last part is supposed to mean.
Okay, let’s try this another way. This apartment must cost like what, two or three thousand a month? What if we told your folks it went up by like five-hundred bucks. Think they would mind?
…and why would we do that?
Well uhh, we’d put the money into like a charity type thing. A charity to help cover living expenses for say, I don’t know, people that work for punk news websites.
Are you asking for my parents to pay for your rent?
It’s not “paying our rent.” More like…actually, yeah, that’s pretty spot on. Since they’re already paying yours, what’s the big deal?
Hey, wait. How’d you know my parents pay my rent?
What issues are most important for you in this election?
Well, I think we need to return decency to the White House, be tough on crime, and let people keep their insur-
And where does “income inequality” rank on that list?
Right. Anyway, I need you to sign this waiver so we can publish this interview.
Why does this waiver look like a check made out to “cash?”
Look, I don’t work in legal. Can you just sign the waiver before the bank clos…I mean before my editor leaves for the day?
Oh okay. Here.
Wow. Look at the time. This has been great but we gotta jet. Let’s pick this up again at the end of next month?
Wait, what? Where are you going?