Dude, you KILLED it last night. And by ‘it,’ I don’t mean all those overly complicated solos and riffs you attempted on stage. I am of course referring to you killing any shot you had with your high school crush Rebecca. I know you didn’t see her but she’s back in town after all these years and she came out to see your band last night. She left during your set but she saw and heard EVERYTHING.
So let’s rank all the riffs you flubbed in front of her on a scale of “well that’s not too bad” to “why did you think this hobby would impress girls?”
5. Song: Drawn In The Sand
This really wasn’t so bad. It’s a brand new tune and you missed a chord change in the bridge. Not a giant flub. Rebecca obviously never heard it before, although I’m pretty sure she knows chords in a pop punk song aren’t supposed to be dissonant so she probably still knows you fucked up.
4. Song: Keep In Mind
I admit this wasn’t your fault. Craig was drunk as fuck rocking out and accidentally slammed his bass into your head during the solo. I doubt the solo hurt your chances with Rebecca but I’m also confident that it didn’t help.
3. Song: Null And Void
Dude, if you’re gonna play one of your older songs you gotta practice extra. No excuses here, this one was just sloppy. Almost as sloppy as me watching this unfold while standing next to Rebecca. Don’t worry though, I distracted her with drinks and good conversation so after a while she didn’t even notice you were up there.
2. Song: Bail Bonds
I wasn’t paying attention to this one, sorry. You might have actually done a great job for all I know. But did you know that Rebecca spent time in the Peace Corps?! She’s actually done a lot of cool stuff since she’s been gone.
1. Song: Lose My Way Again
Hey dude. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this but Rebecca and I left together during this song. Also, we’re getting married. Is your band available to play the wedding?