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We Are the Granddaughters of the Witches You Couldn’t Burn and We’re Holding You Responsible for Our Therapy Bills

The patriarchy has always tried to destroy what it does not understand. For millennia, the ignorant in society have attempted to destroy those close to the rhythms of nature. Those who hold the knowledge that eludes science. The witchy women who know how to convene with the forces of nature and also how to craft the perfect passive-aggressive comment about your outfit that will hex you with anxiety for the rest of the afternoon.

We are the granddaughters of the witches you could not burn. We are the outspoken. We are the out-cast. Most importantly, we are the out-of-pocket payers for our mental health needs, for which we demand to be compensated.

You tried to scoff at ancient wisdom, the medicine of the Earth, and the voices of the winds themselves. In your arrogance, you chose heartless doctors over midwives of empathy. For centuries, you chose the words of misogynistic medicine men over the intuition of your mothers. Given all that, it seems like you could have been more comprehensive in recognizing the universal need for non-physical healthcare. We were correct in our beliefs about the health of the spirit and its need for care. So at the very least, let our sessions count towards our deductible.

Seriously, talk to Dr. Sheila, who we have seen twice a week for fifteen years. She can tell you how holistic medicine and ancestral wisdom are great, but that there is no replacement for seeing a mental health professional. By the way, here is Dr. Sheila’s payment portal information.

Alternatively, you could have just burned all the suspected witches when you had the chance. Then maybe our grandmothers wouldn’t have been alive to criticize us every chance they got. It would have saved us a Hell of a lot of co-pays.