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Trust Issues? I Found My Wife Going Through My Secret Phone

Trust is the cornerstone of any long-lasting relationship, which is why I was devastated to find my wife going through my burner phone when I got out of the shower. Boundary stepping? More like boundary stomping. My only question is “why?” My only other question is “did she also find my hidden iPad in the hollowed-out encyclopedia?”

I’d be lying if I said this was her first privacy violation. Just three months into our marriage, she had the gall to confront me about my false-bottomed sock drawer filled with condoms and polaroids of my ex-girlfriend. First of all, why are you in my sock drawer? It’s not my fault I guilted you into putting away my laundry. You have an excuse for everything.

Beyond the snooping, it’s the post-snoop interrogation that hurts me the most. If I had a dollar for every time I heard, “Where did you sleep last night?” or “Whose underwear is in the glove compartment?” I might finally be able to afford that trip to Denver to see my 22-year-old girlfriend. Isn’t this line of intensive questioning in violation of the Geneva Convention?

Finding my wife going through my secret phone was a real eye-opener and had me asking myself, “What kind of stranger have I been sleeping next to all these years?” Rebuilding broken trust might be possible, but not probable, given her scheming nature.

Watching her try to blame-shift her way out of this makes me realize how manipulative she really is. Just because you hear a strange ringtone coming from inside one of our air vents doesn’t give you the right to launch a full-blown investigation. Did you ever think the phone might’ve belonged to the previous owners? You’re impossible.