Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately, he knows how to say “Deep State.” And it’s the only thing he knows how to say. He says it a lot. And really loud. But he’s so cute when he’s eating grapes.
He’s heavily discounted on account of he learned to say “Deep State” and will proceed to say “Deep State” twenty times an hour. He’s a very sweet bird, and he loves beak rubs but he’s gonna ruin every date you have on account of him yelling “Deep State.” You will have to apologize. A lot.
Don’t look at me, I didn’t teach him to say “Deep State.” I got this parrot from a pretty sketchy pet store next to the Military Surplus place. They had a TV that was just playing manosphere YouTube clips. The only mice they had were white. They named all their geckos after dictators. But this parrot caught my eye. He looked so elegant and majestic. A work of art by the artist known as nature. And I didn’t hear him say “Deep State” until the drive home so it was too late to return him.
He’s a good bird if you don’t ever have to do Zoom meetings from home, or plan on hosting parties, or want to raise children who don’t learn to randomly yell “Deep State.” Although that would probably guarantee them a job in the current administration, maybe even a cabinet position. So perhaps you should get this bird as an investment in your children’s future, what’s left of their future, anyways.
My weird cousin wants to give this parrot a podcast. She keeps uploading videos of him yelling “Deep State” and tagging Infowars It’s been getting a lot of views, people are active in the comments, there’s even a Reddit group set up to discuss who the parrot is accusing of being in the Deep State. It got so popular Jim Bruer even sent us a cease and desist, but we won’t take anything serious unless it’s from a C-tier former SNL cast member or above.
They must feel threatened by how powerful this bird says “Deep State.” And how loud he says it. And often. He doesn’t have any strong opinions on vaccines or understand how microphones and cameras work but success today isn’t built on an understanding of how things work, it’s just about how loud you can yell something over and over again until you get a sponsorship deal from a nootropics company.
And unlike Alex Jones this parrot is in no danger of slandering victims, questioning basic science, or denying the Holocaust. Just pure unadulterated “Deep State” with the decibel level of a car horn. And the beak rubs, he loves beak rubs.