Greetings, thrifty eaters, it is I: your Gourmand Guardian, here with more reviews on living well, and eating better!
Today, though, I am saddened to report we’re looking at a so-called ‘sandwich’ from Cafe du Sammich in Downtown Berkeley that purports to be worth its $23 asking price, despite still leaving you hungry a mere 4-6 hours later.
Now you all know me, I am thrifty but refuse to sacrifice quality. These sandwiches really get under my skin because you can just make a sandwich at home by piling food scrounged from dumpsters behind the Walmart up between two pieces of store-brand white bread, and have an equivalent experience to any sandwich I’ve bought from any so-called ‘boutique’ shop! They are selling you food that you could just as easily spend 2 hours gathering ingredients and assembling yourself!
Yes, my dear readers, this is the Cocktail Hour at the Smokehouse all over again: $12 for a Long Island Iced Tea when a case of Natty Lite from the gas station will set you back a mere $8, less if Twitchy Rick’s there and you’ve got some ground-up dexies for him, and you get just as drunk! Eventually!
I just think in this day and age, when we all have so much less money because of forces totally beyond our control, we must be ever-vigilant for these rip-offs! What’s the point of spending money on food when you’re just going to be hungry again? And drinks when you’re just going to sober up in 3 hours and need another drink?! And then another! And another… and you wake up and your head hurts and your boss won’t get off your fucking back, so you steal a nip off the ’emergency flask’ of Wild Turkey and turpentine. You look in the mirror and no longer recognize the face staring back at you, because who… who would spend $23 on a sandwich when they’re just going to have to face tomorrow. And tomorrow after that. Why even get out of bed? Why do we all play this sick little game at all? The moment your feet hit the cold floor, you are being scammed.
The days march on. Natty Lite cans line the wall cause the landlord won’t fix the insulation, and the winters get colder as the summers get hotter. And we scrape and save and someday, yes, it will be my turn. The Gourmand’s turn at the wheel. And they will be the ones to pay. They’ll ALL pay.
Remember to check out my Patreon for more money-saving tips!
