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Quiz: Is Your Mustache Sleazy Enough To Be a Photographer?

Imposter syndrome is a real thing and can prevent you from achieving your dreams, no matter how weird and stupid they are. Too many people have failed to realize their disgusting aims because they feel unsure if they’re really terrible enough.

If you have worries that your gross mustache is not sleazy enough for you to be a photographer whose “studio” is just their efficiency apartment, you’re in luck!

Take The Hard Times mustache quiz and figure out if your facial hair has what it takes to make people very uncomfortable while you pretend to adjust a lens!

Is your mustache way too obsessively over-groomed or is it disgustingly unkempt?
A qualifying mustache is either wheedled out into the finest of wax points or has barbecue chip fragments in it. Nothing in between.

Does your mustache obscure your tongue as you frequently and lingeringly lick your lips at your model?
Mustache length can vary from scumbag to scumbag, but the appropriate growth for someone going into a career entirely facilitated by Craigslist posts and promises that this will be great for a model’s resume must not exceed one-half of the upper lip.

Have you ever described your mustache as “a real party-stopper and a panty-dropper?”
Eww. Just move on to the next question. Jesus.

Are you John Waters?
While Mr. Waters is generally known best as a celebrated filmmaker and raconteur, his experience in conceptual photography-based art installments and the best mustache ever qualifies him for anything. We salute you, Mr. Waters.

Quick: is your mustache ironic, post-ironic, or post-modern?
Pretty much any of these descriptions applied to a mustache are sufficient to guarantee that you are a colossal dirtbag, and therefore basically Ansel Adams.

Does your mustache hide dark secrets which must never be known?
Truly, the facial hair one chooses to display to the word is a statement. But is that statement merely a facade, a smokescreen to disguise the terrible acts that you have performed and will continue to perform, regardless of what you tell yourself at night? If so, congratulations, you’re a photographer!