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Possible Bug? My Band’s EP Has 0 Plays on Spotify

Spotify is the subject of much debate in the music community. While it allows artists to be heard by a wide audience, it also depreciates the monetary value of music in general. Plus, the app is just riddled with bugs! How do I know this? My band’s EP has zero plays.

Zero!

A band made an album of SILENCE and it has many more plays than my EP. You know how I know that? My mom told me she listened to it. You know what Spotify says she didn’t listen to? My EP. This is obviously a major bug in the system or t least a worldwide conspiracy targeting my ambient-cumbia-speed-metal EP.

I know what you’re thinking. ‘Why don’t you just ask friends to listen to the EP and spread the word, or pay them if you have to?’ And you know what? I already did that, dumbshit. How do you think I figured out it was a bug? Obviously my friends are listening and some poor sucker at Spotify is about to get smacked down once management finally responds to my emails.

Look, my music’s not for everybody. I figured that out when I was trying to find bandmates. No one could handle the insane brain-melting hip-shaking atmospheric experience I was trying to craft so I recorded every instrument and mixed the whole thing myself. I settle for nothing less than perfection with my music. Unlike a certain music streaming service that rhymes with “Apple-music-is-way-better-potify.”

Now, by sending this eleventh email to customer service, I’m even handling Spotify’s problems for them. The only thing I really need help with is figuring out if others are having this issue. I started a Facebook group called “Spotify is BURYING My Tunes!!!” but I might delete it because, according to the member count, Facebook has the same bug.

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