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We Used a Ouija Board to Ask Joey Ramone to Rank His Albums (But He Just Wanted to Talk About Christmas in the ’70s)

You guys – this has been an insane day here at Hard Style!

We saw one of those articles where they ask influential musicians to rank their own albums and were like, ‘Woah we should totally do that!’ But like – what’s our angle? What could we do to make this article really pop? Then it hit us: No one has ever asked a dead musician to rank their albums before!

We dusted off this old Ouija board we found in the attic, lit some candles, gathered a few Hard Style interns in an empty conference room, and got to work. At first it didn’t seem like anything was happening – but suddenly a chill fell over the room, the table began to rattle, and the planchette began to move!

I was so excited to finally know for sure where Joey Ramone ranks Leave Home. If he agrees with me that Road To Ruin is wholly underrated, or if he’d tucker out before getting to Animal Boy. I asked the visiting spirit to assign a numerical ranking first to Rocket To Russia – but all he responded with was ‘o-l-d    s-c-h-o-o-l         l-i-g-h-t-s’

Confused, I asked for clarification. Was that a b-side I’d never heard of? The planchette moved slowly spelling out ‘n-o   t-h-o-s-e   b-i-g   g-l-a-s-s   l-i-g-h-t-s   d-u-d-e      t-h-e-y   w-e-r-e   s-o        c-o-o-l’

(I’m doing my best to textually represent the time-frame of these words here)

I tried to get us back on track, asking how he feels about the Rock ‘n’ Roll Highschool soundtrack but it was no use. He continued ‘w-h-e-n   I         w-a-s    a k-i-d m-y    d-a-d g-o-t m-e   a     b-i-k-e   a-r-e    y-o-u g-o-n-n-a   c-a-l-l    y-o-u-r   d-a-d ?’


I tried to explain that I have a lot on my plate right now and that my dad probably understands that but it was no use. ‘y-o-u s-h-o-u-l-d c-a-l-l    t-h-e   h-o-l-i-d-a-y-s     a-r-e    a-b-o-u-t   f-a-m-i-l-y   d-u-d-e’ he communicated. ‘a-l-s-o c-o-n-s-i-d-e-r g-e-t-t-i-n-g r-i-d    o-f t-h-o-s-e   i-c-i-c-l-e    l-i-g-h-t-s   t-h-e-y    s-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u’

(He cut out about here, and didn’t respond to further questions about Ramones records or the holiday season)

So in conclusion, listen to Joey and be with your family this holiday season or at least give them a call. The holiday season is about family (even if that family isn’t blood-related), so let them know you’re thinking about them.

Also I guess get some of those old-school Christmas lights?  

Is your choice of Christmas lights letting Joey Ramone down? Let us know in the comments below!