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Opinion: You’re Right, It’s Not Really Smoking. Please Vape in My House

I am so unbelievably sorry. When I asked you not to smoke in my house, I clearly must have confused e-cigarettes with cigarettes. I apologize profusely to you and everyone I’ve hurt in the past with my selfish and inconsiderate behavior. So allow me to publicly say- I’m sorry. You are right. What you’re doing isn’t technically smoking. So I beg of you, please resume vaping in my home.

Seriously, thank you so much for opening my eyes with your concentrated, vaporized truth. I now see how regrettably intolerant I’ve been. Denying vapers the right to be themselves in my house is nothing shy of a hate crime. Like all prejudices, mine originates from the same toxic air we all breathe- the vanilla-strawberry hybrid smell of bigotry. I must educate myself to combat this.

Cigarettes burn dried tobacco leaves along with about a few hundred additional carcinogens. Thanks to decades of scientific research, we now understand just how risky this can be for both first and second hand smokers alike. Vaping on the other hand doesn’t even have research yet, so we must responsibly conclude it’s a completely safe, if not entirely healthy, pastime.

Cigarettes are cancer sticks. Vape pens? Those are liberty sticks. So go get that smell in the walls of the home I bought for my children to grow up in!

I’ll conclude with this inarguable fact you so graciously shared with my puny brain. If vape pens were the same thing as cigarettes, then where are all the e-butts? Checkmate, air-breathers!