Today is a very sad day. Legendary musician and founding member of The Beach Boys, Brian Wilson, died at the age of 82. But instead of falling to my knees and cursing the gods above for taking Brian away from us, I choose to take solace in the fact that he crossed over into the afterlife and reunited with my other favorite Beach Boys, his younger brother Dennis, and psychotic cult leader and murderer Charlie Manson.
The Beach Boys have had a few lineup changes, they even had celebrities like John Stamos join them in the studio and on the stage over the years, but any true Beach Boys fan knows the best lineup is when the rhythm section had Dennis on drums, and Brian on bass. What a duo. But if you really want the band to shine you need Charlie there sloppily playing guitar and doing his best not to stab anybody. That’s right, ol’ Chuck had that edge The Beach Boys needed.
Al Jardine might look like a bruiser who is always looking for a fight, but he’s a sweetheart at the end of the day. Mike Love was too busy writing the shittiest songs you’ve ever heard, and Karl was also there. But Charlie was a star. He had “it” and my definition of “it” is, of course: an insatiable bloodlust and complete disregard for human life. You see The Beach Boys were more than just a band that sang about surfing, and spending time with your girl, they were about rebellion. And there is no greater rebel than Charles Manson.
So yes, today we all mourn the passing of Brian Wilson, a true genius who changes the course of music history. But don’t fret, he’s probably jamming with Charlie right now and hoping he doesn’t get stabbed up a bunch. I’m not sure how it works once you die, but I’m pretty sure that you can still be stabbed in the afterlife, and we all know it doesn’t take much for Charlie to start stabbing. Just ask Rosemary and Leno LaBianca.
I don’t know about you, but I’ll be listening to the universally beloved Beach Boys song “Never Learn Not to Love” on repeat today as a tribute.
RIP Brian Wilson, and thank you for all the music.