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Opinion: If Ben Gibbard Feels So Strongly About Renaming The Glove Compartment, He Could At Least Offer Up Some Suggestions

Sure, Ben, we all agree that the glove compartment is inaccurately named. But if you’re going to galavant around town making big demands like a ‘swift, orderly change,’ we’d expect at least a suggestion or two from you. It’s easy to sit in the backseat and make snarky comments about other people’s driving (we’ll skip over the irony here). But perhaps you need to get your feet off the dash and be the change you want to see in the passenger seat.

We’re just saying it’s not that hard to throw your hat in the ring and propose a few options. Don’t you think your input would bring us so much closer to resolving this? We’re happy to help, but supposedly, you know how to string a few words together yourself. So, how about we start, and then you can chime in?

  • Title and Registration Destination
  • The Folder Holder
  • Dashboard Receptacle
  • Deductible Divot
  • Docs Box

See? Easier than writing a breakup song, right? And while we’re on the subject, who’s the decider here? If we do vote on this, who’s going to enforce it? The president of what? Is there a ‘Car Czar’ or something? Anyway, still no resolutions from you, so here are a few more to inspire you.

  • Mobile Junk Drawer
  • Highway Hidey-hole
  • Out-of-Pocket Pocket
  • Snack Stash
  • Disappointment Slot

What’s that? That’s the sound of us settling on a name while we wait for something brilliant from you. Instead of waiting for something to go wrong, maybe propose something that sounds right. Or here’s a radical idea: just put some gloves in there, Ben. You control your destiny here. No one is stopping you from keeping your fingers warm. Instead of just sitting sadly in your car listening to the rain on the hood, take $10 to Walmart and fix this. These are problems with easy solutions. Take charge of your life, man.

It’s been 20 years, and you’re still playing the same song. Look, the long-distance relationship didn’t work out, and that’s okay. It was ages ago. Maybe you need more than gloves at this point; have you tried fitting a weighted blanket in there?