Yo there, Daddy-O, you seem like a mighty hep cat! I dig your pompadour and that vintage leather jacket. And are those 501s rolled up to show off your creepers? I’ll bet you’re pretty keen on Rockabilly music, aren’t you? Well If you’re so into Rockabilly, you can probably get three people on the horn who would all love to cruise home from this bash in a cherry ‘32 Ford Roadster. Seriously though, you must know somebody who wants to buy this car, right? I need to get rid of it like yesterday or my wife is taking the kids and scadaddling.
I thought I’d spend every night leaning against my souped-up high body outside the diner like James Dean. I’d run a comb through my hair while I decided whether to take this ragtop out for a drag, or to take my sweet Betty to the drive-in for a little backseat bingo.
Instead, my wife told me to stop calling her “Betty,” and the night manager at Denny’s demanded I buy something if I was going to loiter in their parking lot all night trying to race the customers. And it turns out the 1932 Ford Roadster doesn’t even have a back seat for me to “bingo” anyone in!
I was only able to get the Roadster to run a few times before it died and I had to have it towed home from Denny’s, and I honestly don’t know shit about fixing cars. But even if I did, have you seen how expensive it is to maintain a 90-year-old hot rod? I can’t afford to own this thing anymore! It’s been in my garage gathering dust for months. Surely one of your cool greaser friends could get it running again?
I thought maybe I could turn my garage into a ‘50s-themed hangout space around this old car, but none of my friends wanted to listen to the Stray Cats in a room covered with pinup posters and watch me smoke unfiltered cigarettes and use outdated slang. So I tried reaching out to the company that makes the pinups to see if any of the models in them wanted to come check out my Roadster, but they threatened to call the cops if I contacted them again.
It’s time to move on from this phase before the missus makes me move out of our house. I wore out her patience when I quit my job to focus on my music. She’s given me the rest of this month to get rid of the Roadster and get a job or we’re through. You can take the damn thing for free as long as it’s gone by the 1st.